My colleague whose name is Ulman and hails from German lineage confessed to me the other day that his family has lived on the same piece of land for 150 years. He has a dog, a wife, a flat, a family and a close network of friends like most of the 20-30 somethings in the Czech Republic. There's a very domestic thread running through the country, which makes expats look particularly odd because Czechs assume that life in America includes simliar values and entrapments as European life. How could you just leave your family? How could you leave your friends?
There is an Italian proverb which reads 'Chi di lontano si va a maritare, o sara ingannato, o vuol ingannare'. I find that I involuntarily adopt this wary attitude of my expat peers sometimes. Why are you here? Is something wrong with your country/city/family/life? In many cases, this is not far from the truth. I've met a 28 year old pimply faced virgin from the UK who spent every 2 hours singing French opera to himself before eating creamed spinach for breakfast. (can't imagine he had an easy time at Uni). On the other hand, I've met expats who are, er, used to be, normal, law abiding citizens...thinking of my friend Dan specifically (who I believe I mentioned in a post on this blog earlier). He's spent many years shifting between cultures, with a long stint in Turkey and the resulting personality is hard to define. He has facial expressions of a Turk, the humor of an Irishman and one of the most unusual perspective's I've ever encountered. He's a self-made mixture of identities, languages and backgrounds who appears to have nothing to hide.
My New England, Puritanical upbringing leaves me with a certain legacy and enculturization that is hard for me to see. I know that my state ranks as the whitest state in the nation. In the past few years there have been several notoriously embarassing incidents, namely the way Lewiston's mayor dealt with the refugee Somali population, which have allowed me to see the ugly underbelly of racism of my region. What is hard, some may argue impossible-to see, is how this affects me personally. A few months ago, I read the book 'Blink' by Gladwell. In this book he writes about an unconcious racism response survey, which you can find
this survey demonstrates the extent to which our perceptions of race are affected by the media but he also speaks about our potential to reprogram ourselves through counter exposure.
Some of the people who are the closest to me have observed that I seem to be 'searching for something', an observation which I blatantly denied. 'You're searching for yourself.' or 'You're always unhappy.' While I don't think that I am searching for myself, I have come to realize in the last year that I am searching for something. I am searching for my own racism, in order to eradicate it. I can see that some of my Serbian friends are sometimes racist towards Kosovars. I can see that my Italian friends are racist towards Roma. As an American, I know that I have multitudes of prejudices and racist sentiments towards people of the world. Living on a continent surrounded by water and full of immigrants pushed to the fringe hasn't allowed the most diverse existence.
When people have asked me if I will return to the United States, I have given many answers. Firstly, I don't understand why they are so damn curious. Perhaps it's the Ulman-syndrome I described above. Europeans can't relate to American expats leaving it all behind. But I don't think that's true because there have been great migrations from continental Europe before. If I spent 26 years living in one place, I have a lot of catching up to do. I know there are new things that I could learn in America, but I've experienced much about American culture and most likely, I will learn more pertinent things about it-through the lense of other civilizations. (most recently: Americans have shallow friendships-according to Czechs). I can reflect on my country from here and make more money while I'm doing it.
But I envy you because having roots in New Zealand, Singapore and London~you're working on a very world-wide grid from an early age. I know what you mean when you say that all of your moves have been prescribed or organized around a larger event such as work or study or family. All of my moves have revolved around these factors as well, until I moved to CZ. My students ask me why I chose CZ and I always give the same answer, 'It was winter and I was running out of energy'. That's a half truth. I was running out of money too. I travelled until I had almost zero funds to continue and when I completely ran out of money and had no other choice, I decided to start working here.
The reason that I decided to travel to India was the same reason that I decided to travel to Zrenjanin Serbia the first time. It's always easier to make a decision if you have a precedent. In both cases, someone that I didn't know so well-but had a fleeting feeling of connectivity with-gave me an invitation. When I went to Serbia, I was in the middle of completing my Degree in French. My parents questioned me. 'What does this have to do with your Degree?' In truth, it had Nothing to do with my Degree, or at least nothing that I could describe.
On the eve of departure for India, I ask myself 'What does this have to do with building a career?'. In truth, it has nothing to do with building my career. It is not a rational move. The way I figure it, someday, somewhere down the line, this will make sense to me. This logic means that I have to trust the future and also that I have to trust strangers, like my host in Mumbai. At the very least, I will learn something about the most diverse sub-continent on the planet and about myself. Who knows if I will end up staying there? But what do we know for sure anyway? Sometimes its easier not to make plans. Unlike Ulman, I don't have a house and I don't have a 9-5 job, I don't have a wife or a cute little dog. Sure, I want all of those things.*
I've never travelled with a bag on my shoulder, in one city one day, in another the next, without a return ticket looming over my head, without a big fat guide book in my back. I want to feel that freedom and I'm willing to sacrifice traditional security and sense of community that it requires. This time, however, I want to build an online community that I can connect with via vlog and blog so that I can have feedback and peers wherever I go. Also, I will never move so blindly into a country as I did CZ. I will never assume that money, politics and historical prejudice do not affect a corner of the globe because it is remote from my origin. Or that people will act out of the kindness of their hearts for a stranger alone.
I think India attracted me before I said 'yes' to Saket. My heart was RIPE for invitation. The Czech Republic is grand, Prague is quickly becoming one of the high end, desirable cities to live in but I'm ready to be eccentric from the heart of Europe. I want to know what it is like to live in a country, 180 degrees from my origin, where you are one of 1,129,866,154. People tell me life is cheap but I know I don't know what that means aside from Hollywood. I want to see the 'developing world' with my own eyes. I'm damn curious about China, Tibet and Nepal. I'm fascinated with the current EU debacle but mostly, I'm tired of the West. I'm sick of Gucci and Luis V. I'm sick of having to have all the right gear Nike Puma Spandex before you get on a bike for the afternoon. I -assume- that people in India are dealing with real issues that will face us all, like water, food and fuel shortages. In a way, it's not a blast into the past but a blast into the future. They have to cope with problems now that Europe might not face for another 5/10 years. In my humble short-sighted opinion, in some ways they are ahead of the game.
That's a bit of my story. I want to hear more of yours.
S.
*not really sure if I want the wife bit though.
